“Friends with benefits” (FWB) sound glamorous and fun. But is it actually so uncomplicated; is it just a friendship or actually a relationship?
There is perhaps, no strings attached situation but can you actually avoid not letting you emotionally drift towards the person with whom you are having sexual arrangement?
Yes, you both genuinely like each other and there is underlying sexual spark and thus, you both came to an arrangement of not getting into a relationship but having physical relations and enjoy sex.
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Well, there are few unsaid rules about which you need to be clear if you are allowing yourself to get into FWB situation.
It is necessary that you both sit down and clearly communicate to each other about what are the expectations; what would be the arrangement between both of you and then probably decide whether you both are ready to enter into FWB situation.
If you both are not thinking the same; probably you need to relook at the entire arrangement and might decide not to enter into FWB situation (Why let a fun stuff turn into something which can make you feel sour, confused and unhappy?).
Lets check some of the guidelines you should follow so that you get maximum enjoyment from your friend with benefits.
Do not look to convert FWB situation into a relationship
Be clear with yourself as to why you are entering into an FWB situation- fun of having sex with whom you are perhaps sexually attracted to, without getting into a relationship.
If you are thinking that you want to check out first whether or not you are enjoying sex with this person or incase if you feel that if you will sleep with this person; he/she is going to take you seriously and start a long term relationship; dude you are on a wrong footing.
It is going to cause discomfort, pain, confusion between both of you and ultimately will end in you getting hurt and perhaps loosing the other person as well.
Also, don’t enter into an FWB situation with somebody whom you like to have a serious relationship in future. FWB is a casual relationship and you may not feel good about it later on when you end it.
You may act as it doesn’t matter; but you are going to be hurt. Yes, there are chances of an FWB situation turning into a long-term serious relationship but don’t enter into it with this notion in mind.
The only motive you should ever be in a FWB situation is when you want sexual passion and nothing else.
FWB relationships are emotionally complex
The beauty of FWB arrangement is that you both are not officially dating each other and not in a serious relationship. At the same time, it is the demerit also. You do not know where to draw the line. You do not know whether you can get jealous when you see your FWB partner hanging out with somebody else.
Your FWB partner is not your regular girlfriend or boyfriend and there are boundaries which are difficult to adhere to. There is not supposed to be emotional bonding, being there for each other whenever required and financially supporting each other type’s situations.
You need to respect each other’s sexual lives and lifestyle and should not feel uncomfortable if they are having multiple partners.
So, if you feel that you are not the one who can keep sex and emotional bonding into two separate compartments, then do not enter into this FWB arrangement. It is not for you; you will end up hurting yourself.
Also, no matter how many times you both have cleared it to each other that you both are simply FWB partners; it is humanely possible that he/she might start developing feelings for you.
Sex is a way of bonding and makes you feel closer to a person than you meant to. If you are not on the same level of feelings with your FWB partner (not reciprocating the feelings), call off the FWB arrangement decently so that you do not hurt the person unintentionally further.
It can happen the other way round also that you might start developing feelings for your FWB partner. You have gotten into the FWB arrangement but gradually you realize that you like this person a lot more.
Communicate your feelings to your FWB partner and then let him tell you whether they also reciprocate the same. If yes, then you both can discuss as to how to take it further from now on. However, if the person is emotionally neutral towards you, in that case you have to call off FWB arrangement without blaming the person.
This can be hard but remember getting emotionally involved was not in this deal and also, you need to forgive yourself for that.
Think before deciding upon an FWB partner
Before you get hooked on bed, make sure you choose someone with whom there will be no unease and embarrassment if you break up and still hang out.
There is nothing more annoying than having great sex with a coworker for a few months, then breaking up and having to hang around him while he dates another one of your colleagues.
Choose someone who you wouldn't see a whole lot anyway if you both decided to call off this FWB arrangement.
Clearly tell your FWB partner about your sex life
Honesty is required when you both are discussing about the sexual arrangement. Be completely transparent about your sex life and give him/her comfort level to do the same.
You need to make it clear from the start what whether the sexual arrangement is exclusive or not and whether you will have multiple partners. Tell your FWB partner about your previous sexual history and do not hesitate to ask him/her about the same (though not bluntly).
If you fail to do so; situation may arise that you start feeling jealous of the other FWB arrangements of your partner (when you come to know) and situation may become awkward between both of you.
Also, there is a tendency in some people to feel cheated and betrayed when they come across something like this. Better to avoid a situation like that and communicate clearly about the expectations of each other sex lives.
Don’t forget to use protection
Discuss this fact with your FWB partner before you enter into this arrangement. You may be entering into a casual relationship with no strings attached but it doesn’t mean that nature will not take its own course.
Why to get into unnecessary complication of conceiving and then getting into dilemma of keeping it or doing away with it and a host of unnecessary situations to deal with. Let your partner know what kind of both control option you are using.
Also, using a protection is necessary for the safety of both you and your partner. You are in a casual relationship and depending upon the comfort and expectations between both of you; it might be possible that either or both of you are having sex with multiple partners.
Remember to get yourself tested for STD at regular intervals. Also, never forget to use condoms every single time you have sex.
I know it feels awesome to cuddle with your partner after you are done with the sex. (Some people even say that they find cuddling after sex to be even better than the sex itself!).
Certain hormones are released in your body after sex which can make you emotional and bonding becomes quite easy then; it is all natural. Don’t get into a situation like that. Keep your emotions under control and try not to cuddle with him/her after sex.
Also, it is absolutely not necessary that you have to sleep over with that person if you had sex with him/her. The arrangement if for having sex and fun; so it is It's perfectly fine to leave an hour after you have arrived.
Do not establish physical relations every now and then
Everybody knows sex feels great. But don’t have sex with your FWB partner five times a week types sort of or every now and then.
It you start spending too much time with him/her; it is natural for you to develop feelings and may turn the entire situation awkward. Keep it once or twice a week.
Speak to your FWB partner about how to end it
Let us admit it. The FWB situation is good but it is not going to last forever. At some point in life, either of you would like to settle with somebody, will get into a serious relationship (when you find that somebody), may move out from the city because of a change in job/for higher studies or probably you do not feel the need to be in FWB anymore.
FWB arrangement is not long lasting relationship. Sometimes, you be with them for a week or a two (because either of you cannot find out how to make it work given the emotional complexity involved, rather no emotional involvement), sometimes for few months but rarely FWB arrangements last for more than a year (you may get bored of the same partner).
Understand that these FWB relationships are not built to last.
You should probably give a hint to your partner before you both hit the bed together as to how this FWB arrangement is going to end. Tell him/her when you find that somebody special in your life and give that much comfort that he/she can freely come to you and say the same.
This would not leave you with any scars in this FWB arrangement and you can preserve the friendship with that person also.
Do not let the friendship fade away
You both have been friends and added sex to it. Do not let that friendship element go away. If things start to get too complicated or one of you develops feelings that aren’t reciprocated, it is better to salvage the existing friendship. And, the best way to do this is to hang out with each other as real friends would do.
Remember to have fun
Sex is fun. Apart from relieving stress from your body, it is a great physical activity, releases lot of good hormones in your body helping you relax (Research also suggest that sex is linked to beauty as well; the skin of some people glow after sex). There is no commitment, no emotional attachment and you do not have to adhere to the rules of monogamy.
You have a new sex partner and feel free to explore and experiment new positions and ways of having fun. In this process, you will learn a lot about yourself. And, the moment you are uncomfortable with your FWB partner or the arrangement or if things are not going well, you can call off this relationship anytime.
So, if you feel confident and happy with the idea of having a FWB, then just have a blast with your FWB partner, because that's the only real reason you should be getting into this arrangement.