How to Deal with a Breakup - 20 Most Powerful & Scientific Tips from Specialists

Lets face it , Ending a relationship is difficult especially if you have worked hard on maintaining it;

Everybody agrees on this.

If you have given time into wooing each other and developing the relationship, you also need to give time to get yourself truly free from the relationship.

Deciding to end the relationship can be your choice, your partner's or mutual.

Either ways it is going to be painful and for some people, it can be traumatic also.

Trust me; you have to work on both your mental and emotional health following a breakup so that it doesn’t leave a scar on you as a person.

How to Deal with a breakup is a topic that is not actually addressed in our society

But Lets Try :) & see what actually works

 Don’t let your emotions vent inside you

It is absolutely natural to go through a range of emotions after a breakup.

There is emotional pain, sadness, frustration and anger directed towards your ex and sometimes, life in general. 

You are in a mood of denial (still hoping that everything will be back to normal between both of you).

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You may also feel a sense of relief that finally it is over

(since you were in dilemma as to what is going between both of you, what is actually the status of the relationship).

Being loved is truly a wonderful feeling and suddenly you may feel that you are all alone and not desired by anyone in the world.

Allow yourself time to grieve for the loss of the relationship.

Let yourself shed tears, shout, yell, or whatever you need to do to get your negative emotions out

You will feel much better once you are letting the negative forces out from your body. 

Give yourself a set time limit everyday (for few minutes to few hours) and experience the pain.

Having a set time will keep your focus on grieving. 

Also, these emotions will not overpower you since you would use the rest time towards channelizing your energy on other productive and constructive aspects to deal with the breakup.

Pamper yourself ( First & the most important)

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How to Deal with a Breakup -Don’t cross paths with your Ex

Difficult it may sound; but try to cut off your ex totally from your life.

Don’t go to the same coffee shops, grocery stores etc. where he/she is likely to be there.

Do not take his/her phone calls, don’t reply to their messages

you may block him/her on facebook, no instagram.

Do not connect with his/her family members and friends also.

Breaking away completely from him/her for certain period of time will help you in healing and get over him/her.

Get rid of items which bring back his/her memories

There are a lot of things which will make you nostalgic and a desire to get reconnected to him. R

Remove all the memory triggers like his/her favorite perfume, songs/DVD collection, clothes etc.

Since the person is no more in your life, what is the point in keeping his/her stuff and causing mental trouble to yourself?

For memories sake, you can keep one or two items gifted by your ex.

Clean up and organize your personal space

It is possible that you both were staying together and then after breakup he/she has moved out of the house. 

It creates a vacuum in your living space.

You do not only miss that person but their belongings as well.

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Reorganize your space as per your requirements and comfort.

Clean up the mess and you may bring certain new things like posters, wall papers etc. to bring newness and freshness to your space.

Cleaning removes a lot of clutter and also reduces your stress level.

It keeps you busy and doesn’t require much of mental effort as well.

 Incase if you are the one moving out; you may have to look for temporary house to put up.

Seek help from friends and relatives for the time being till you make a living arrangement for yourself.

Also, it would feel good to be surrounded with people in dealing with breakup rather than all alone.   

Meet up people

At times, after breakup you might feel embarrassed in meeting your friends, relatives and others including your parents.

It is necessary to go out and meet them since they have been with you in your ups and downs and will understand your situation.

They would demonstrate their love and support. 

After you have acknowledged the fact that yes, you had a break up; it is necessary that you connect with people once again. 

You are not the first person on earth to have a breakup and definitely not the last.

Do not shut yourself away from the world (During the period of grieving over the loss of the relationship, it is ok.

But do not overstretch it).  

You need to surround yourself with people who truly love you and will handle you patiently in this phase of life

(post breakup, you may sometimes become a crying baby or simply irritated or go through a whirlpool of emotions which needs to be carefully dealt with).

Talking to a close friend or somebody with whom you share a good equation might act as a therapy for you.

You never know- all you might need is somebody listening to you quietly and lending their shoulder whenever you need to cry. 

If you absolutely do not feel like meeting people, in that scenario go for grocery shopping, to your favorite coffee shop

(avoid the timings when you can bump into your ex), buy yourself some new clothes or makeup or accessories etc.

Or, just go for walks regularly and feel the fresh air on your face. Believe me, it can be truly relieving. 

Breakup Depression & Anxiety

Don’t fall into rebound relationships

It happens many times that you feel single and lonely after a break up and you enter into a relationship to get away from these feelings.

This is called as a rebound relationship and it may not be a good idea to get into another relationship so quickly.

You might not have developed true feelings for that new person in life and it might lead to another breakup after some time.

This is actually all the more painful since you have to deal with the pain of breakup of two relationships.

It is often suggested that once you have moved on completely from one relationship; then only you should look to enter into a new relationship with a fresh start and look towards life.

 

Keep taking good care of yourself + Food

There must have been many activities in life which you had wanted to do earlier and were unable to because of many constraints (probably your ex was not interested, or he/she could not take out time for that activity).

Now, you should devote that energy towards fulfilling those desires. It is time to channelize your energy towards self exploration.

It does happen with people that post breakup; they stop caring much about themselves because often self worth becomes a question mark.

Try not to delve into that area. Instead, focus on taking good care of your physical, spiritual and emotional well being. 

Keep taking wholesome food including fresh vegetables and fruits.

They do help in reducing the stress and anxiety levels in your body.

For some people, chips, biscuits, chocolates and soft beverages are their comfort food.

You may feel better after binge eating but remember they are going to affect your body and your physical heath.

Try creating a soothing atmosphere in your room where you can have sound sleep continuously for 8 hours or so.

Go for a walk everyday, or simply take out your vehicle and drive around the city, or you may indulge in some sports like tennis or badminton.

Consider going for swimming as it is tiring and sleep is all you need to calm your nerves.

You may practice meditation, yoga, or deep breathing or other relaxation techniques.

Take counseling sessions from a professional therapist

If you feel that you are not able to deal with the pain of breakup alone or it is affecting your social, professional and personal life a lot, you should seek help from a psychotherapist/mental health professional.

By way of talk therapy, your therapist will try to give you an understanding of how this breakup is affecting your life and give a perspective of how you can handle the stress better.

Don’t get into unhealthy habits

It is very easy to turn to alcohol or drug to forget the emotional pain following a breakup.

They may alleviate the pain for a while but they are short term and not healthy ways of dealing with the breakup.

Rather once their effect is over; you tend to feel all the more worse.

Try to stay away from them (this is one stage in life where you can actually get addicted to them and then probably need to go to a rehab centre to get rid of these habits).

Take this breakup as an opportunity to invest positively in developing your skill or pursue a new hobby.

You may join dance classes, aerobic exercises, cooking classes, club etc. where apart from learning something new; 

you will also get chance to socialize with people.

This will keep your mind distracted for sometime and build up your self-esteem by helping you to develop a new skill.

Think of all the qualities of your ex which you did not like

You might be in love with that person but it is definitely not necessary that you would love/like all of his/her qualities.

There must have been many traits of your ex which you had not liked (or irked you also) but you had tolerated them for the sake of maintaining the relationship. For example, your ex was in the habit of being late for dates and other important events.

You had discussed the matter with him/her but there were only false promises and excuses and no improvements as such. 

Or, his/her awkward dressing sense, or, passing sexual innuendos to your friends etc. 

Make a list of all those habits which has bothered you about your ex.

This will definitely help in getting over the breakup easier.

Think why life is better without ex

Breakup might seem like that you are never going to be over it;

but after sometime when you are coming back to your senses, try listing down things as to why you are better off without your ex.

Think of the benefits from your breakup.

For example, overspending on accessories, jewelleries, makeup, clothes etc was taking a toll on your financial health

but you were unable to do anything about it since you wanted the person to be happy.

Think of this breakup as a step towards increasing your savings.

Possibly, your ex was in the habit of eating unhealthy foods and living with him/her has also gotten you into the same eating habits. 

Take out all the junk food from every corner of your home and you may again start eating wholesome food as per your choice.

A Word

Breaking up with somebody with whom you had been so intimate is never easy.

At times, you may feel like a part of your own self is being taken away.

There are a range of emotions to contend with, some of which may last longer than others.

There are many steps which you can take to recover from a breakup so you can move on to healthy, trusting relationships in the future — including a healthy relationship with yourself. 

Don’t shy away in taking support from family and friends and if the need arise, a professional help from a psychotherapist or a mental health counselor.

 

How to deal with breakup for Guys -30 Proven Tips

Ending a relationship is difficult for both the partners- either man or the woman. But studies have shown that guys generally take their breakup harder than ladies.

They tend to dwell on various aspects of their past relationship and continue to blame themselves (guilt also) for the failure of relationship.

Deciding to end the relationship can be your choice, your partner or mutual. Either ways it is going to be painful and for some people, it can be traumatic also.

You are going to feel a range of emotions from sadness to anger for weeks or months after a breakup. It is loss of one of your most intimate relationship and you are going to mourn for it.

Though we are in 21st century, men are still groomed in our society in ways that they have to appear strong at all times, crying is not an option for them and emotional pain is not for them.

Why cannot a guy express his emotional feelings and let people know that he can also be weak at times ?

Think of yourself as a human. You just had a breakup and you are feeling awful. It’s ok to feel that way. And, now you have to work on both your mental and emotional health following a breakup so that it doesn’t leave a scar on you as a person.

Some tips and healthiest ways to help you recover after a breakup are discussed below.

Create your personal space

It is possible that you both were staying together and then after breakup you have moved out of the house. Look for an accommodation and organize your personal space as per your requirements and comfort.

Buy grocery and fill your cupboards with necessary fruits and veggies and cooking stuff. You may also buy some new posters, wall papers etc. to bring newness and freshness to your space.

(I personally feel that getting a new coffee mug is very much necessary after a breakup. Drinking coffee together with your partner is a private time; a time when you bond with each other and share everyday details. Change that coffee mug). 

Men generally avoid doing these things and indulge in negative emotions. Making your space warm and comfortable will reduce your stress and will help you feel better. It will keep your mind busy and wouldn’t require much of mental effort as well.

Feel the whirlpool of emotions

It is absolutely natural to go through a range of emotions after a breakup. There is emotional pain, sadness, frustration and anger directed towards your ex and sometimes, life in general. 

You are in a mood of denial (still hoping that everything will be back to normal between both of you).

Allow yourself to feel the feelings. Writing those feelings on paper will help you in acknowledging them.

Reflect on your relationship and think why it didn’t work, what wrongs you had done in the relationship, and what better aspects you would put in your future relationships. Write it down. Writing has a healing effect on mind. Studies have shown that writing helps you in struggling from any situation in life and you become a calmer, confident and empowered as a person.

Also, give yourself a set time limit everyday (for few minutes to few hours) and experience the pain. Having a set time will keep your focus on grieving. 

Also, these emotions will not overpower you and you would feel much better once you are letting the negative forces out from your body.

Don’t get into drugs and alcohol

It is very easy to turn to alcohol or drug to forget the emotional pain following a breakup. They may alleviate the pain for a while but they are short term and not healthy ways of dealing with the breakup.

Rather once their effect is over; you tend to feel all the more worse. Try to stay away from them (this is one stage in life where you can actually get addicted to them and then probably need to go to a rehab centre to get rid of these habits).

Talk to your friends

Talking to a close friend or somebody with whom you share a good equation might act as a therapy for you. I know it s not easier for guys to do lot of talking about their breakup.

Simply saying 2-3 statements as to how you have been feeling and your thoughts after the breakup can make a big difference. Your friends know you and it is quite probable that they have seen the breakup coming months before the actual one.

They can help you in seeing the broader picture and probably how your life is better off without your ex in it.

Almost everyone has gone through a breakup once in their life. You may have an in depth conversation with a friend as to how they have coped up with breakup in his life.

If you are the one who has decided to call off the relationship, talk to your friends who had done so. Incase if your ex has done so, talk to those friends whom ex have called off their relationship.

Simply just not let those thoughts vent inside you. It can further leads to feelings of blaming oneself and guilt for loss of the relationship including frustration, anger, shame etc.

Invite friends over to your new house for dinner and cook for them

Social contact is important for helping with loneliness. Cooking for friends can help you feel competent and confident. Plan activities so that you are not spending multiple nights in a row alone at home.

Don’t cross paths with your ex for the time being

Difficult it may sound; but try to cut off your ex totally from your life for the time being.

Don’t go to the same coffee shops, grocery stores etc. where you might find her.

Do not take her phone calls, don’t reply to her messages, you may block her on facebook and no instagram. Don’t follow her stories and keep checking her pics on facebook and over other social media network.

Remember that you have decided to keep ways separate and hence, it is necessary that you need to detach yourself from her and maintain emotional distance.

Do not connect with her family members and friends also. Breaking away completely from her for certain period of time will help you in healing and getting over her.

However, if you guys have kids together, then practically it becomes very difficult to detach totally from her (since there would be many issues about kids you both would need to discuss along with attending Parents ‘teachers meetings in school and taking them out for birthdays and other social get together) .  T

Then you would have to forget differences with her partially and think of her as a pleasant roommate.  Think logically and rationally as to why you are meeting and talking to her. It is because of the kids. Keep conversations cordial, businesslike, and brief, and don’t react to her anguish remarks or actions.”

You need not keep this boundary lifetime. But in initial phase of breakup; it is important for you to realize the fact that you both are no more together and you need to move your life without her.

Later on, when you have moved over this relationship; you may again form friendship with her.

Remember your old self

There must have been many activities in life which you had wanted to do earlier and were unable to because of many constraints (probably your ex was not interested, or she could not take out time for that activity). Now, you should devote that energy towards fulfilling those desires.

Take out your bike and go for a ride in the city. What were your favorite pastimes? It is time for you to indulge in them.

You may form a group and go for a glorious road trip with your boy friends. This will be a total change of environment for you and will also divert your mind from this recent emotional pain and grieving from your breakup.

Take counseling sessions from a professional therapist

If you are getting so angry or upset after breakup that you might yourself or someone; then you need to confide your feelings to somebody who can support you and handle you better.

If you feel that you are not able to deal with the pain of breakup alone or it is affecting your social, professional and personal life a lot, you should seek help from a psychotherapist/mental health professional.

Sometimes extra support is required and a therapist or counselor can be very helpful in overcoming the breakup.

By way of talk therapy, your therapist will try to give you an understanding of how this breakup is affecting your life and give a perspective of how you can handle the stress better.

Get in touch with people again

At times, after breakup you might feel embarrassed in meeting your friends, relatives and others including your parents.  Men often tend to think that other people will judge them negatively for failing in a relationship or a series of relationships that have failed.

This is often not true or is overstated. It is quite possible that you are inaccurately guessing as to what others are thinking.

So one of the ways of getting over from the break is meeting and connecting with your friends regularly and going for outings with them.

Expand your social circle and meet new people as well. Enroll yourself for a cooking class, guitar lessons; hire a tutor to help you learn a new language – whatever you want.

Go out and meet new people – perhaps through that new class you’re taking, the gym you signed up for, or other activities.  Having people around to lift your spirits is absolutely critical when dealing with a break up.

A breakup is not the end of the world

It is not uncommon for men to think that the world has come to an end for them and everything seems to be a blank. Yes, you had a breakup. But that does not mean you are going to be feel lonely all your life. This awful terrible phase of your life will pass. It is however dependent upon individual to individual for how long he will take to get over his breakup.

Once you are over it; try to be open to dating again. Simply remember not to keep talking and bitching about your ex. Your ex was your past and the person whom you are dating might be the one with whom you may have a relationship in future.

A Word

Remember that you are not alone. You are not the first person on earth to have a breakup and definitely not the last. A breakup is a major change in your life and you have to make adjustments for it.

Try focusing your energy on doing and learning something new rather than dwelling only on the negatives. You might not be the greatest of your moods now, but it is absolutely okay.

Focus on doing things which keeps you happy. Time is the greatest healer. Sooner or later you will overcome this breakup and will move on to a new relationship and a new future.