Jealously is a natural and a normal human instinct. And, admit it- if one has to choose between who can be more jealous- a man or a woman, the answer definitely would be a woman.
Historically and traditionally women have been made to be felt inferior to men, they have been groomed to look attractive and beautiful all their life so that the charms on her man always remain on.
And, thus ladies tend to develop a feeling of insecurity of losing their partner/husband to another woman. And, this feeling of insecurity gives birth to the emotion of jealousy towards another woman.Change your Income & Luck with chanted Obsidians . Click here to explore more
If you see your husband talking to/looking at another woman; no matter how chill and indifferent you think you are, you would tend to notice that lady.
How is her dressing, is it too revealing, is she a chic, is she wearing branded clothing, do I like her accessories, her overall personality and especially her age, is she inclined towards my husband etc.- questions like this will soon revolve in your head and then you start comparing yourself with that lady.
Wait, do you think you are overreacting. Perhaps yes, perhaps no. Clearly, there is no definite answer to this question.
Many women go through similar situations in life. And one category of women whom they cannot avoid at all is her husband’s female co workers
(Chances are rare that your husband is working at a place where there is no women but yes, there are industries/offices/companies which require only men to be their employees). And you will get jealous of your husband’s female co worker.
The jealously may or may not have a certain basis.
This article will help you in finding out how to deal with this emotion of being skeptical and jealous of your husband’s female co worker, is there really something you should be worried about and how this should not affect your married life.
Keep your marriage a happy one
There are ups and downs in every relation and is true for marriage also. There come stages in this relationship when you may feel that your marriage is at the point of breaking up.
Try to give your best efforts to keep the trust between both of you. Simply, try to keep your marriage the best it can be.
In grabbling between home, work and kids; many a times it happens that the couple do not take out time for each other and thus, you find yourself getting jealous of that co worker with whom your husband spends time with.
You need to minimize the distance which has come between both of you. Start working on the friendship between both of you. Think ways of spending time with each other. You may join some dance classes, or some hobby which you can do together.
Make sex exciting and try experimenting again on its new aspects. You will find that the life has become exciting again.
Talk to a friend or a therapist
You have been thinking about the entire situation from a single point of view. But talking to somebody- a friend or a therapist will help in giving you an idea of how others are also assessing the situation.
Talking to a friend about your insecurities and fears will be a good idea. Whether you are overreacting to a certain situation or actually there is a sign that there is something wrong, your friend may help you in figuring that out.
It can be quite possible that in fact you are over assuming everything and the issue is with you, not with your husband and not with his female co-worker.
Believe your husband is trustworthy
You should first look into the foundation of your marriage which is trust. Keep trusting your husband. If your husband is trustworthy, it really doesn’t matter what his female coworker does. If your husband is saying the following:
- He tries to avoid being alone with his female co-worker.
- He avoids taking to her for too long.
- He sometimes, leaves the conversation half way only with his male co-workers whenever that particular female co-worker joins in.
Believe him. Not believing him is the first step towards disrupting your married life. If your husband still comes to you at night and have sex; then you need to believe that you are the mainstay of his life and that lady is not important to him.
Even, if that female co-worker is flirting with your husband and he is committed to you; he will find ways to keep saying no to her. And, your marriage is safe.
He is just working with her and whatever conversations he has with her are probably related to work or are casual hi-hello type’s talks. Try thinking logically (I know difficult it may be when it comes to these matters).
Rather than questioning him; ask yourself these questions- has you husband behaving like the same way as always or has there been a change in his behavior. If there has been a change in his behavior, is it due to changes at home or personal life or some upheavals in office (which he has shared with you).
If you find that you can logically answer these questions about your husband’s behavior, then I don’t think there is any need to worry. There might be absolutely no reason to worry and even if that female co- worker is trying to put her charms on your husband, it is not working.
Your husband married you for a reason. For any reasonable, logical and rational person, it is difficult to leave everything for a single woman whom he has gotten to know since few months or a year or two.
And, if you guys have children also, it is all the more difficult for him to stray from the marriage. So keep your head cool. I know it is easier said than done. However, remember the man you married, your kids and your marriage- you have to keep your world together and cannot let a random thought and jealously fall it apart.
You need to clearly think and discuss what you want your husband to do with that female co-worker
Can you actually get your husband to work in a workplace without female co workers? I think most of us would answer this as no. Practically this cannot be the solution to the problem.
If you feel that your husband is trustworthy, however you are still not able to keep the jealously out of your mind, then you may think of other options like- He may quit the job and change his office.
(But, there are many variables associated with it which also needs to be thought upon like likelihood of the new jobs in the sector where your husband is working, whether it will be a case of promotion or demotion at his new workplace, the time, energy and effort he would need to set rapport with the seniors, how far would be the new workplace from home and how much time it will take him to commute to and forth, etc.)
Think of all these before even suggesting this option to him.
Try to know that female co-worker
I know that one remain busy in his/her own life and it is difficult to keep a track of what is going on in your spouse life. But the key to a healthy relationship and a marriage is that you should remain updated as to what is going on in your husband’s life. Attend parties and get together with him.
Know his friends and his coworkers both male and female. It becomes difficult for a female co-worker to hit a man whose wife she knows
(There remains a certain level of hesitation, one creates a mental picture of that man with his family and then there is certain moral dilemma attached).
Also, when you would know that female co- worker in reality, probably you would realize that all those questions which you have been asking to yourself were totally baseless and such level of jealousy is unwarranted.
Check with that female co-worker, if you find it to be appropriate
You have noticed many times that your husband is not showing any interest in that female co-worker. However, she keep trying to flirt with your husband, sometimes saying double meaning sentences, complimenting on his looks and dressing more than what she should do in a professional relationship. She remains chatty with your husband and doesn’t leave any opportunity to be near him.
It is time to go and tell her to mind her own business and to keep a distance from your husband. But is saying this so easy?
The answer is definitely no.
It is possible that whatever you have assumed and seen is one sided only and she actually might not be interested in your husband.
Confront the woman in a soft tone. You may go and tell her that she seems to be a friendly person and this quality of hers is appreciated.
However, sometimes it feels that she is being trying to be too friendly with his male co-workers and this might be taken in wrong light by other people. You may add that she should try to maintain her talks to a professional level only so that other kind of talks does not start rotating in the office.
I know it is very awkward to say all this but better to talk to her in a subtle manner rather than keeping the jealousy to yourself, getting all kind of notion in your head and then probably letting this affect your marriage.
Ask Yourself Why This Bothers You So Much
When you start becoming overtly jealous of that female co-worker and cannot think of anything else, pause for a moment and sit down.
Ask yourself- why are you so scared of that woman?
Do you really need to be scared of her?
Have you found hints and genuine reasons to be scared of her?
If you can find reasons for the above questions and most of them are yes, in that case you and your husband should meet a relationship therapist and go for marriage counseling seasons.
It is quite possible that you are suffering from relationship anxiety and you require someone’s help to deal with it properly.
If you cannot find appropriate reasons for the above questions and if, most of them are no- then in that case the issues are with you, neither with your husband and nor with that female co-worker.
The issues can be many at the back of your mind like, you might feel that you are not a very beautiful and attractive lady (and whenever you see your husband with a beautiful lady, that insecurity leads to jealousy)
Or, you may feel that you are not such a good person that somebody would like to spend their entire life with us (you keep thinking that whenever they find somebody better than you, they will leave you)
Or, your parents marriage have not done well and you feel that your marriage would probably end up like your parents’ marriage did.
It is absolutely okay if you have issues. All of us have issues regarding something or the other in our life.
But, what is required that once you have acknowledged about the issues, you need to start working and improve upon those issues.
So you need to talk to somebody who can guide you through figuring out the root of your insecurities.